24 × 30 in
Oil on canvas
Since being cut off from the world due to the pandemic, my bed became my everything, and I withered away every single day in that space.
All of these are expressed through colours and my body. My uncovered body is in a struggling and isolated position and the colour of the heavy and cold surroundings that weigh me down contrasts with my body. The worse my depression and health, the less I was able to be creative and productive. I couldn’t do much and I felt like a lump of meat in my bed. I was overwhelmed by hearing about Asian hate crimes in the media and simultaneously fearing that I would get infected with the virus. I developed a panic disorder through the isolation and inherent feeling of being an outsider. I would unexpectedly stop breathing and become still in a cold sweat. My self-portrait shows me struggling mentally and physically weak, yet in bed, in my comfort zone.